Choosing some personal guardrails may be the only way you are able to live the life you really want.
We actually already know this though – we see this on roadways all the time. Speed limits increase as barriers are placed between motorists going opposite ways. Guardrails minimize the damage when mistakes occur. And mistakes WILL occur.
People do not naturally come not this world with a desire to deny themselves. The concept of self-denial or delayed gratification is one that has to be “acquired” – or perhaps more accurately stated – “built”. The modern-day concept is similar to that of a guardrail. My guess is that while each of us were growing up the only “denying” that got experienced was imposed by a parent or guardian. This brings us to the key contrast I want to cover in this session – Deny versus Defy. In the case of externally imposed self-control, the child is involuntarily submitting to authority because the pain of the consequences outweighs the pleasure of resisting. The momentary desire could have been something as simple as an over abundance of candy. It could have involved playing too close to a busy road. Later on it could even involve willful and premeditated selfish acts that affect other people negatively. A toddler was once quoted as confessing “I may be sitting down on the outside but I am standing up on the inside”. That is a case of defying – not denying.
Moses learned a hard lesson as a leader about Denying vs. Defying. He obeyed a LOT. However, some choices can change your trajectory for the rest of your life. In this picture, Moses looks out over the Promised Land and contemplates God’s ultimate sovereignty and his choice to disobey… to strike the rock instead of speaking to it.
Willpower, character and maturity can be thought of as mental muscles. My guess is that in the early years we exercise the “defy” muscle a lot more often than the “deny” muscle. As a result, the defy muscle gets over developed going into the teen years. It doesn’t help that the teen years are the season of life where self-focus and the desire for independence surges wildly. Sometimes the “defy” muscle can take on Incredible Hulk proportion. On a secular level, this unstable strength is depicted in that very character in the recent movie The Avengers. So, what are we to do with that anemic “deny” muscle? If these two mental muscles were a team of horses pulling a wagon, it would be going in circles. What if this never gets addressed? Well, we end up with “emotional teenagers” walking around in grown up bodies with grown up authority and grown up checkbooks funding the immature desires.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have a role model this. Jesus modeled the quiet strength of denying self in deference to God’s sovereign purposes and plan. In fact, Matthew wrote that he phrased it like this “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Luke added the word “daily” in his account so that it read like this “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” I find that fascinating since Luke’s audience was primarily Greek and not Jewish. Daily… Daily… We’ll get back to that. Author Eugene Peterson translated Jesus’ words this way: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I’m leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn’t, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God.”
The only way to make a lifestyle out of denying oneself is to believe that something noble and better results if you do.
Following Jesus out of gratitude is one path. Following Jesus out of fear is another – we read in scripture that if you don’t deny yourself and follow Jesus now – Jesus will deny you in the end. THAT is a sobering thought to ponder. Usually the journey of a Christ follower involves both fear and gratitude. I know people who are not Christ followers deny themselves too. Diets are an easy example. in those cases though, it is “self” focused. I will deny myself X so that I can get down to my ideal weight. Those are occasional decisions though – not a worldview or guiding principle. I am suggesting sort of a lifelong voluntary “diet of the mind” as the character John Nash put it in the movie “A Beautiful Mind”. In that movie John Nash was dealing with seeing people who did not exist. A condition called schizophrenia caused him to have to “override” things he saw, thought and felt were very real. He actually had to take those thoughts captive. In a John Nash’s case, there were no spiritual overtones expressed. His strategy seemed purely intellectual and survival-based.
Regardless of where you stand from a faith perspective, there are some principles that most people can agree on. I found this series on Guardrails by Andy Stanley and I believe he did a really good job at exposing the wisdom behind the need for basic boundaries in life.
Part 1: Introduction to Guardrails – Example: Getting Drunk
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Part 2: Guardrails with “Friends”
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Part 3: Guardrails with Your Marriage
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Part 4: MORE Guardrails with Your Marriage
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Part 5: Guardrails with Your Finances
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Part 6: Guardrails with Your Appetites
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Moses learned a hard lesson as a leader about Denying vs. Defying. He obeyed a LOT. However, some choices can change your trajectory for the rest of your life. In this picture, Moses looks out over the Promised Land and contemplates God’s ultimate sovereignty and his choice to disobey… to strike the rock instead of speaking to it.